I am a bad person and so are you.
Ever been in an argument?
Where you were being shot with nasty accusations, point-blank, and you retaliate by uttering words that you know will hurt that person the most?
Never?
Good for you. But I’m very sure most of us has done that cowardy lame-ass act before. Me too, all the time. But I really try to keep my cool first before finally erupting. It’s something like a natural thing, I don’t go on thinking “Hmmm….I bet if I said that she would just shut up and submit to me cos I am a better person than she is”. The words just come out. It is a very COWARDLY thing to do. It’s like a samurai striking from the back, it’s like a soldier killing another who is unarmed, it is 100 men against 1, there’s plenty of indignity and unpleasant sights. Bringing up something that hurts the opponent might make me feel better, at that moment, but the scene after would be very very messy. Cleaning up would be a herculean task.
I really try to be more levelheaded. It’s hard trying to be mature and sensible, an adult. And I’ve seen adults who are not mature OR sensible enough. It kinda misses the whole point of being an adult if they still behave like children. Throwing tantrums, trying to get things their way, “I DOWAN TO FREN YOU ANYMORE”, bitching around, things they do, shows what they are really about. Though they do not sound exactly that way, it is quite similar, I assure you.
I really hope that I can finally sit down and discuss with others, with an open mind, about everything. It’s hard to do, nasty words are bound to be exchanged, but at least I want to show myself that I’m calm enough and be able to prove my point to others, even a little. No, I’m not into brainwashing, but sometimes when it comes to serious matters, there are certain things that you must understand not to do to get your opinion heard without causing a storm. I still have a lot to learn to deal with things the right way.
Sometimes, I reflect on what I’ve said and, you know, I’m not a good person afterall. And for one moment, I really wanted to control how I behave. It really is tiring sometimes, to think before I speak, to avoid hitting where it hurts most and to keep quiet when bludgeoned by accusations after accusations. It also doesn’t help that my temper flares pretty easily.
Well, the easy way out here, is to simply say “what do I care?”
Honestly, I said that many many times. But problems like this do arise, on and off. There must be a way to solve them, without any bloodshed.
