Not Fun Anymore

Apparently, the results are out. The results of the final exams for this last semester that I had been slogging for, that is. Oh, okay…. I had no right to use the word ’slog’. I don’t think I’ve done enough, maybe I never will. But I’m not gonna see my results until I’m quite ready.

I think I’ll be quite ready, on Friday.

I’m actually afraid. Trust me, I’m never like this. Nevahhh…

This is one of the few moments in my life that I’d rather not know the truth.

Yeah, I didn’t want to spoil the good time I’m having right now.

And I sure don’t look forward to spending the rest of the week being woeful.

A spoilt brat, that’s what I’ve been all my life. When things don’t go my way, I’ll scream until they do. That was when I was a kid. Nowadays, I think I can handle it more calmly.

But, provoke me enough, and I’ll turn into a monster. I’m a bit surprised that I still had it with me, the voice, I mean. The voice I acquire at that agitated state scares myself sometimes. It’s not my normal voice anymore, no matter how I try to force that voice out now, it’s just not there. It’s a scary voice, like what you’ll hear in those movies when people get possessed by the devil, that deep raucous, almost snarling voice, somewhat held back only by what’s little left of my conscience. That is, if you piss me off enough.

Not many has seen me in that state other than family members. By that, I mean those who stay with me; my parents and my brother. Even that, it doesn’t happen often. Only my mom can piss me off that bad.

Coupled by my teary, bloodshot eyes, it’s not a pretty sight. Make no mistake, the tears do not mean that I’m crying. It’s pure fury, m’dear. Pure fury.

It’s usually when I’m accused that I use that voice to fight back. Only when I know that I’m really innoccent and have nothing to be pinned with that I’ll be furious enough to have that voice. I guess my parents never noticed that. They think I’m still throwing tantrums like a kid.

I know things can’t be solved if I keep on shouting like that. It will just get messier. But at least I got some stuff off my chest.

I should be quite ashamed that I’m still a monster, shouldn’t I?

A few posts earlier, if you’ve noticed, I said something about John Mayer making sick faces when he’s performing right? Here’s a proof:

Other than that, this is one of my favourite songs.

I need my newspaper fix every morning. My mom nags me about it because there are only 3 of us at home and for one, my mom doesn’t care to read it. She thinks it’s all a waste of good money spending RM1.20 every morning for a daily dosage of baloney. But I just can’t help it, the feeling of there’s something missing or I didn’t remember to do something will haunt me for the rest of the day if I didn’t flip a page or two of The Star. Only The Star will do, by the way. Internet news just don’t cut it, I need to flip the pages. Keyword here being pages.

Recently, there’s this heated debate going on between readers on the ‘Opinions’ section about who’s in the wrong if there happens to be a rape and the victim was found to be dressed provocatively. I usually don’t care but some arguments are getting outrageously dumb. Like, everybody who’s not a rapist would certainly say that the rapist is at wrong, right? Because ‘rape’ is defined as ‘ act of sexual intercourse with an individual without his or her consent, through force or the threat of force.’—Britannnica online.

See? It’s without consent. Meaning, the victim did not say ‘yes, you can rape me’. Like, If I were to grab your sandwich from you, without you agreeing to it, you wouldn’t like it either, would you? Even though I would argue that the sandwich looked very delicious and that I was very hungry, plus the fact that you were holding it too close to me, you WOULD smack me if I dared take a bite without your consent right?

That said, even if the victim is only in thongs and has nothing else on her(I used ‘her’ as an example as opposed to ‘him’ because frankly, it’s kinda hard for men to dress provocative enough for women to rape them; On the other hand, I have no idea why would a self-respecting woman would dress so minimally), the rapist had no right to stalk her and upon reaching a back alley, proceed to ravish her. Right, because she didn’t AGREE to it.

So, I say, the rapist can only be acquitted if ever the victim had ‘rape me’ stickers plastered all over her. Imaginary ones don’t count, though. Or maybe, a ‘Can I rape you?’ would be more orderly. But take note that oral proof is not enough, bring a voice recorder just in case.

All this noise about who started it first is just so pointless, the rapist is obviously at fault. Had he(or she—but really, who would believe you if you stood up and said ‘I was raped by a woman!!’. Other than the you-lucky-bastard nudge in the ribs, expect no sympathy) more self-control, a saner mind and less raging testosterone, there wouldn’t be rape case in the first place. All logical evidence points to the rapist being the guilty one.

But why are there still idiots trying to put the blame on the a woman’s way of dressing?

Their writing shows that they had a certain standard of education, thus implying that they should have certain understanding of right from wrong. However, what they tried to say suggests otherwise. What the hell is going on here? There was even a ‘Ms. Yip’ saying that it’s the woman’s fault she got rape. Hello??? Wither hath thy love for thy sister gone? Jumped-off the building? It seems likely so. Well, of course she didn’t just send in ‘Dear Editor, IT IS THE WOMAN’S FAULT SHE GOT HERSELF RAPED!!—-luv, Ms.Yip’. Yeah, but her whole letter might just as well be only that.

*drama*

Dumbasses.

Alex sent me a link. It’s damn funny. I gave the URL to the main page though. Like the freeloader with nbtd that I am, I spent the whole night clicking from page to page. The fun never ends.

ooh….gotta go have breakfast now.

btw… we’ve got another dog in da house now. It’s evil. It’ll bark ’til hell’s gates open when it needs to pee or poop. That’s why I’m up so early today, to bring it out of the house, for it to relieve itself. I wished it would just pee right where it is and shut up.

*yawn*

It’s true what they say, take everything with a pinch of salt. Yes, don’t trust every word that comes out of a person’s mouth because a hidden agenda will always be there. But you would say that being too suspicious surely is not a good thing either, right? Yeah, but from what I’ve gathered, it’s better to be suspicious and proceed with caution. It won’t really save your ass sometimes, but at least you get to say ‘I saw that coming, didn’t I?’.

For someone who lacks foresight, I am definitely counting on that pinch of salt, to keep me away from trouble.

……….and stay up there.

Every other blog I’ve read these couple of days is bashing a certain local politician for the very unsexy remark that ‘it’s a woman’s fault that perverts are zooming in to the thigh area with the cctv’. Yeah, so what’s new? I’m tired of supposedly ‘leaders of the people’ that unflailingly give dumbass remarks like that. Maybe I should pull his pants down while he’s on tv giving another dumbass remark to the media. Reason? He wore it too high(as like every other bigoted old man), it was very tempting to have it pulled down to a more comfortable level for my eyes. See, we need do-ers, and not people who just keep on making noise. And remember when there was a time when ANOTHER politician who carelessly said that ‘the victim might as well stay still and enjoy it’ (yeah, about the rapist-rapee relationship). *I invented the word, don’t bother looking in the dictionary*

Oh, what about the dude who brought a keris and waved it so ‘pahlawan’-ly in an assembly of UMNO dudes and dudettes? Yeah, that dude is currently our Minister of Education.

Wha?!!

Say that again??!!

Yeah, no shit.

Didn’t they check him for possession of any weapons before stepping into the hall? Or were they busy saying nice nice things to him?

These people have lived such privileged lives that their opinion of fun is to make fools out of themselves. Now you know why all the wise old men live on top of mountains. Yes, yes, all the sufferings will make you understand more of life and will get more blessings, yadda yadda. But I think their real reason to sit there, is that they don’t wanna see these dumbasses going about their way, such an eyesore ya’ know.

Like,  how much respect can you lose in a matter of 3 seconds? That’s the amount of time it takes for me to read the headline AND the name of the dumbass.

It’s so sad that it’s not funny anymore.

Or maybe it’s the media’s skewed way of portraying them that made me think they are dumbasses.  But maybe they did make it abit easy for the media too, to be fair. Exactly how much stories can you make up these days before people start questioning? Not much actually. So I have every reason to believe that at least 40% of what was reported, is true. Even if it’s fromThe Star.

It’s Monday today and it’s has been relatively filled with activities, considering that I’ve only stayed at home and loafed for the past two days. My day started with some super duper curry mee, made by my mom. But it would have been more satisfying if it had a little more salt and had fresh yellow noodles instead of cintan mee. No, I’m not running to be the next fella to die of hypertension or something, really, my tastebuds are attuned to bland food but that was seriously not salty enough.

Then, around 10.30, I drove off to the dentist’s.

She took my braces off.    *wheeee*

To only put on something more hurtful and looks just as bad. -_-”

Yeah, later in the evening I got a retainer. It was made of clear plastic and hurt like hell. The nurse told me to try it on in front of her, at the counter, with two other pairs of eyes belonging to two ther nurses staring  longingly, as if it’s very interesting to watch an overgrown kid goofily put on a retainer. It was kinda hard to put on because it was too tight. And when it did, it snapped-on. Really, there was sound like *snap!*, the force was so strong that I took a step back and winced in pain. In front of THREE pairs of eyes. You know I’d rather not let them see me in such a state, but it was reflex. Yeah, I blame it on the reflex.

Then the nurse, wanted me to take it out, also, with three pairs of eyes watching. I tried, while she kept on going about having to pry them out with the nails a little bit on each side and slowly keep on prying. It went on for a while, and I wanted to give up. Clearly, it wouldn’t be coming off anytime soon and I was already late for my guitar class. So I asked if I could go back later and all, but she had already ran off to tell the doctor about the awkward girl at the counter trying to awkwardly attempt to get her retainer off while making awkward expressions in the mirror. Yep, the doctor had to pry it off with tools better than my nails. Even that, it took her forever and it hurt like hell. Have you ever got your tooth pulled off without anaesthetics? It was something like that, like my  TEETH are coming off all at the same time, but didn’t. Darned retainer. And the doctor casually mentioned that it’s the first time she’d encountered anything like this, as if it was my fault. I don’t know, me? weird teeth? That was why I got BRACES in the first place, lady. And in the process, she cut my gums a bit and now it’s a bit sore. Yearghhh….

In the end, I had to make calls and postpone my class to a later time while she pimped my retainer. *hahah, i like this one*

Now it’s doing fine, but I look like I have a layer of gel on my upper teeth. It’s feels like there’s plastic all over, oh wait, there IS plastic all over. Now, I can’t even grit my teeth for fear of making a crack in it. Bloody thing costs a hundred ringgit she said. It’s just plastic, damn. And I have to wear it 24 hours a day except when eating. Ooooh….now the awkward girl would be even more awkward because everytime that she has to eat, she would have to go to the bathroom to do god-knows-what. Or if she ever, god forbid, forgets and had actually taken a bite before taking off the darned retainer, she would have to excuse herself to go to the bathroom to do god-knows-what. *sigh*

Well, guitar class was great. I’ve got homework now.

Practice, practice, practice.

I wanna play like John Mayer, though I wouldn’t want to stick out my tongue while singing and make sick expressions like him.

Then again, who am I kidding? I’ll probably give up halfway anyway.

… yep…always.

I have been restless today. The feeling I always get when I know something out of my norm is happening. Well, there are two actually. One is the fact that I’ll be having my last paper tomorrow and the other, is that I’ve just received a call from dad saying that I’ll be going back tomorrow night itself.

One thing that is worrying me right now, is how the hell am I gonna check out of my apartment when my paper ends at 6(well past office hours) and I have not even packed yet. I doubt I would pack before the paper because I’m sure I would be stuffing more Dynamics into my head.

And I’m bloody sure I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight. I hate it. It’s always the last day that I need most energy to sit for paper/pack/move things up and down stairs/travel back that I cannot get good rest the night before.