Not Fun Anymore

Monday, tomorrow, I’ll be heading back to KL to the start of a brand new semester. I felt not even a tingling of reluctance, it’s just what needs to be done. Sien.

Say, am I heartless as a person? I kinda think so, you know.

Tell me, that your day had been messed up when you first got your toes got knocked against the bedpost and later drove yourself into a mining pool while avoiding that huge ass water buffalo, I’ll just offer you a grunt and a ‘that sucks’.

Because I think that there’s nothing left to do anymore. I cannot fish your car out of that shithole nor can I fix your toes now, can I?

Well, I know some people would just throw themselves to each other into a huge pile of hugging, tearing mess. But I just can’t bring myself to that. Maybe I have to learn to get there, however, the notion of me doing that amuses me. I would be chuckling instead of sharing the sorrow. Now, *that* would be a scene.

My dad says I’m selfish. Yeah, I think that’s some part true. I’ve never seen any other girl who’s as cold as me, I think. I lack compassion, and even if I felt it, it would be a herculean task for me to show it. I’m just stone cold.

If I had kids, I wouldn’t want to bring them up in such an unemotional environment. But if they turned out like me after all, I can only say that it’s in the blood.

If you wanna know, I do kiss my mom and dad when I was little. And there were lots of hugging too, but I think I’m too shy to do it know. That was eons ago, and I can’t even remember clearly now. Don’t go on assuming that I was brought up in a family that distant themselves from each other, because I wasn’t.

But really, all these don’t bother me until certain things crop up, say, when a friend is having a really bad day or my mom is struck with gastric, leaving her writhing the whole day on her bed.