Not Fun Anymore

*I LIKE!!*

No excitement. Nada, zilch, none at all. Am enjoying every moment of it.

Like this morning, I woke up to a lovely 11 a.m morning, with ‘day’s paper waiting for me at the coffee table, searched around the kitchen for some munchies and settled in front of the computer ’til now. The same routine tomorrow, day after and after.

But one problem plagues me still. Should I buy an external hard disk drive or a DVD burner? It is unfortunate that every empty CD I feed into my CD burner will come out mangled, half-burned and utterly unusable, thus creating an opportunity for me to buy a DVD burner hopefully not with my own money. Wait, did I say ‘unfortunate’? Well, I meant it otherwise.

I dunno… I probably won’t use much of either one anyway. I can count how many CDs I ‘ve actually burnt with my fingers and toes, plus, 80GB is adequate for me so far.

Oh, and on a completely different note, I rode on a bus yesterday!!

No big deal you say?

I actually loathe buses. Inter-city, intra-city, rickety-rack buses to be exact. Well I hate express buses from Pudu too, but that’s on a milder tone.

But I took one yesterday, with my mom to add. Hah!

I tried talking her out of it. I tried sulking, being an ass and blablabla…

DID NOT WORK AT ALL!!

But I actually wanted to do something other than hang around the mall watching her belek-belek clothes la…or walk around alone in the mall aimlessly like a homeless person. I don’t quite like walking around aimlessly, you see. Even if there IS an aim, I would also act quite reluctant if it’s not MY aim.

So I didn’t sulk THAT much.

And we walked half the IPOH town to a bus stop my mom was familiar with, 25 years ago. Yeah, twenty-five years AGO. I still deeply believe that there is a bus stop near Ipoh Parade, but no… we walked to God-knows-where because my mom is more familiar with that bus stop. Well ok, I actually like walking. Not shopping mall walking, just walking, there is a different pace to it.So, La La Di Da…. we arrived at the bus stop waited for some time and hopped onto a bus that goes to Gopeng, to my grandma’s.

In case you’re wondering why this ardous journey is sooooo inevitable… it is actually because of my dad. He had some maintenance stuff to do at my grandma’s(the house is unoccupied because grandma currently stays with my auntie in Ipoh) and decided to drop both mom and I at Ipoh Parade, pick up grandma and merrily drive the car away to Gopeng. Well, we could have hang at Ipoh Parade for a few more hours actually but I was itching for an adventure of sorts. Heh!

So, off on a rickety-rack bus we went! The bus conductors still punches holes on your ticket passenger by passenger, the windows are jammed open(no air-conditioning, you silly) so that when it rains, water  will splat on your face, and layer of dust/gunk/ickyblackstuff on everything that is a body with the bus is so disgustingly disturbing. Safe to say, I had a lot of thinking done on that 20 minute bus ride and did not move much.

It must’ve suck to have to commute with that bus to work/school/anywhere everyday. I feel humbled. Things could’ve been much better, at least to a RAPIDKL standard, though I’m not familiar with it also but anyhow them rapidkl buses definitely look better than the one I got on.

If it was up to me, I’d burn all these buses and make everybody cycle to wherever they needed to go. *muahahah* Go healthy! *w00t*

Once again, when I say I hate taking buses…… I actually mean it.

Don’t question why.

Lest you want your eyes poked by my fork-wielding, not-so-dexterous left-hand.

I’m bored, no joke. It’s about a month ’til my 21st birthday comes and I’m thinking, maybe I should change. I’ve been a tyke all my life. Selfish, demanding, abhorrently lazy and arrogant. Yes, I think that’s all of my flaws, lest you want to also include my smart mouth and insensitivity(bluntness) to this potent brew. Can’t blame it on my upbringing (Ahem, hint: parents) for all these child-like traits. It’s in me, I’ve never grown up and I’ve never wanted to grow up. Thank God for my lovely parents who didn’t ditch me when they realized I was a difficult 3 year old to bring up(that’s the age when I started doing the wailing-helicopter-on-the-floor thing, which my parents enjoy retelling every once in a while). But the way my parents brought me up, I think I’m supposed to turn out better than what currently is me.

The thing is, it’s great being a child, of someone. You can cower under the mighty wings of your parents come any danger or when you need pocket money(obviously the wings were a metaphor). But someday, you might grow so big that the tiny space the wing can cover will not fit you in anymore. Or, your parents are just sick and tired of your sucking away all of their life-strength.

Sometimes, I regret having said some things. Regret not phrasing it right, regret that I shouldn’t have to be so harsh while saying them. Not only to my parents, it applies globally(a very science-ppl term). I’ve tried to keep my mouth shut so as to not spew anything nasty from my mouth. But it just won’t work. My mind is inherently evil, my tongue, its sidekick.

It must take great will to stop a reflex, something that’s planted in you, a reaction without thought. Eventually, the question of ‘why am I doing this?’ will come up. This is not you, not who you’re comfortable being, you would continue. Are you trying to fit in? Are you trying to prove something, to yourself? To others? Are you going to stay this way forever? Do the people around notice these changes? And ultimately, is this for the better?

Frankly, I’ve never stuck around long enough until the forth level. That is, I’ve only asked myself if I’m trying to prove a point. Because I’m self-centered and that’s all I needed to know. For the time-being at least. And for every vow I made, it never lasted long enough to see any significant change in my character. That means, you can add another flaw to my character, irresolution.

There’s an easy way out of all of these. I can choose to be all cooped-up and distant myself from others. You’ll live peacefully and will never know of my existence, hence will never be acquainted with my self-proclaimed evil smart-mouth. But I can’t, for the good of my soul(if there’s any left), I can’t.

Nobody likes a tyke, I don’t like a tyke. In fact, I don’t like obnoxious, seemingly all-knowing jerks, which I sometimes tend to morph into. One of my friends once said to me, “people like you cannot survive for long”.

And I was pissed. I did not ask further, like, ” and by ‘long’, is it a month? a year? or a millennium?” because under normal circumstances, I would. I’m open to attacks easily, like that. This got me thinking, deep. A part of me wanted to challenge that statement by remaining the way I am and see if I would outlive her. Whereas the other part of me, was still pissed and couldn’t see what’s wrong with myself. Until this moment, I still couldn’t get what she meant by ‘people like you’.

It did play in my mind, some random thoughts, like “Well, what about you? Who are you to say that about me?”, “what is wrong with ME?”, “is this what a friend would tell me?”. I was tempted to throw out the first thought, but it’s so kiddy-like and it’s not a classy come-back at all. But in the back of my mind, I’ve always known I’m difficult and partly agree that I wouldn’t last long, too. And I didn’t throw anything back at her, it was a weak moment, I’ve been hit spot-on. To the second thought, I’m going to try my luck at pin-pointing them along the way, as I grow older. Hopefully, I’m good at pin-pointing and seeing myself from another point of view. And to the third thought, it doesn’t matter whether she is a friend or not, I appreciate the honesty and bluntness(because if I can be blunt, I’d expect myself to take some blows too and not hold grudges). In that sense, I would say she is a friend. I think she held those words back for quite some time now, too. Never too late, never a wrong time for these honesties.

Finally, I should start at this moment itself to make a change. The small step would be by thinking twice before saying or doing anything. I will have to ask myself “what are the consequences?”, “is it worth the trouble?”, and “is this what I would do?” before anything huge now, to keep me from spiraling down the dark abyss of my friend’s little prophecy.

say, if you have the chance to put words on your T-shirt, what will it say
?

15 characters, excluding spacing.

I thought mine would be ‘Not tHat fRIenDly’… just to annoy ppl.

Or, ‘Defies Logic’. Describing how I sometimes think.

My shirts are boring….. -_-”

… buncha fucktards.

Here’s a riddle for you.

What leaks once a month?

It’s not the roof nor is it the fish tank. You will never dream of saying this about your mother, but apparently two dumbasses said it out loud in Parliament, to a female counterpart, and thought it was damn kau funny.

The answer?

Read this article on the star.

This, coming from supposedly people’s representatives… makes me heave a sigh of relief, that I’m not in the Kinabatangan or Jasin areas. I’d rather not be represented have they only this to throw at other parties when provoked. Nothing smart to say ah? Like ah-beng only, sikit- sikit wanna curse and talk dirty. sheesh….

So I haven’t blogged for a long time. Nothing to do currently, thought I should do at least something. Heh… well, I could only sleep for so long…

What have I been doing? (apart from sleeping, that is)

Few days after the start of my break, I flew off to Japan for a two-week adventure. It was self-planned, though my travel-buddy did most of the planning. (ahem, as usual, I suck at planning and rely on others for these stuff. We could end-up sleeping at the train station if it was up to me to plan. -_-”)

Will post about the little adventure later… when I can finally get so bored as to register with some photo hosting site to easily post pics and stuff.

Other than that, I’ve been sleeping, freeloading and watching shows, either on computer or the tv. Yeah, been watching this Japanese drama ‘Nobuta wo Produce’. Though it was like… out in 2005, which was 2 yrs ago.

Hmm… lost my flair with words.

haih….